Towards Life!

For the want of sanity

I stared in wonder as the sun quietly slipped down into the vast ocean, sprawling in front of me. The ambience was bright orange. As I gazed hard into the setting sun, my vision started to blur. I realized that tears were beginning to form crescents under my eyes.

I stretched myself with exaggeration and took a deep breath. The beach was very calming, especially as the sun went away for the day. The need to seek comfort in the actions of other people was strangling me and I started looking restlessly all over the beach for comfort.

“Hey, are you alright? You want a cup of coffee?” Siri asked, genuinely.

“No, I am fine... really... I am” I said, staring at the pier, about hundred meters away from us.

It was a woman. She was facing the water, hands outstretched, with her summer dress wavering slightly in the wind. The whole thing felt like a beautiful painting of the sun and sadness.

She tucked her hair behind her ear, as she turned towards me. I looked at her surprisingly long arms that ended in amazingly lithe hands. Something in her hands gleamed in the sunlight.

‘Why is she carrying a knife? What is she trying to do?’ I asked myself, as I mulled over the possible answers. I was trembling.

With great difficulty, she forced herself towards the ocean, her hand raised above her head with the knife shining in the dying sunlight.

Siri raised her hands and cupped them to her mouth. I inhaled a yell, as I felt the blood rush through my veins with fanatic fervor.

She knelt down in the ankle-deep water, and picked up what looked like a vase, next to her. She brought down the knife gently, opened the vase and poured its contents into the water.

I stood confused, even slightly angry, as I watched her say something to the water.

Then, it struck me.

She was saying goodbye.

I felt cold and cruel. I loathed myself for the fact that I had to invade one of the most sensitive moments of another person to get over my grief. I knew it was unintentional, and that I meant no offence, but I had done it. Nothing could change that fact. I just wanted to run to her and comfort her but knew it was just not my place. I felt my hands folding into a fist as I fought back tears.

A flood of anger overcame me with a potent force; anger for continuing to watch her in her private moments.

How easy it was to mix myself mentally with her pain.

How easy it was to run away from my own.

I felt my whole body collapse into a tense knot. And still, I continued to watch her.

She had finished talking to the ocean and taking a deep breath, she turned towards the pier. Glistening strands of hair were all over her face, as she made no effort to brush them away. I looked at her features muted by the sadness.

I think it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my life.


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